October 22, 2010 marked the one month anniversary of Ryan's death. Anxiety and sadness were building as the day quickly approached. Where had the month gone? Why did I still feel in shock after all this time? Was I ever going to be OK again? I wondered how I was suppose to feel that day? I knew I needed to somehow pay respect to Ryan, to let him see us all pouring our love out to him, yet do it in a way that would be healing for his brothers and sisters. I then thought of balloons. Russ went out that morning and bought 2 heart shaped, glittery balloons, with the words I LOVE YOU written on them. I decided we would all write notes to Ryan and then send them off to heaven. The little kids were very excited when I told them...they were sending Ryan a present. The older kids understood the symbolism and were just as excited. Sean, Bianca, Shawndre, Jay, Kaitie, Annabel, Breanna, Julian, Crissy, Danny, Russ, and myself all wrote notes to Ryan on the balloons. Some tears were shed as they wrote, some smiles. We went outside around 8:30 with balloons in hand. Doing it when it was dark was probably better as it would not have been good if a balloon popped or was caught in a tree! The moon gave just enough light for us to watch them fly up, until darkness took them away. We all gathered in our backyard, the younger kids all holding on to the balloons with me, and at the count of three....we all let go and sent them to heaven. We all watched with squinting eyes to see them as long as we could. I said at one point, "I can't see them anymore", at which time my 4 year old said..."Maybe Jesus caught them for Ryan." She took my breath away, and when I caught it again, I assured her that Jesus probably did catch them.
"One Love......One Heart"
Monday, October 25, 2010
*One month later....
October 22, 2010 marked the one month anniversary of Ryan's death. Anxiety and sadness were building as the day quickly approached. Where had the month gone? Why did I still feel in shock after all this time? Was I ever going to be OK again? I wondered how I was suppose to feel that day? I knew I needed to somehow pay respect to Ryan, to let him see us all pouring our love out to him, yet do it in a way that would be healing for his brothers and sisters. I then thought of balloons. Russ went out that morning and bought 2 heart shaped, glittery balloons, with the words I LOVE YOU written on them. I decided we would all write notes to Ryan and then send them off to heaven. The little kids were very excited when I told them...they were sending Ryan a present. The older kids understood the symbolism and were just as excited. Sean, Bianca, Shawndre, Jay, Kaitie, Annabel, Breanna, Julian, Crissy, Danny, Russ, and myself all wrote notes to Ryan on the balloons. Some tears were shed as they wrote, some smiles. We went outside around 8:30 with balloons in hand. Doing it when it was dark was probably better as it would not have been good if a balloon popped or was caught in a tree! The moon gave just enough light for us to watch them fly up, until darkness took them away. We all gathered in our backyard, the younger kids all holding on to the balloons with me, and at the count of three....we all let go and sent them to heaven. We all watched with squinting eyes to see them as long as we could. I said at one point, "I can't see them anymore", at which time my 4 year old said..."Maybe Jesus caught them for Ryan." She took my breath away, and when I caught it again, I assured her that Jesus probably did catch them.
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That is beautiful Glenda. <3
ReplyDeleteGlenda, I so wish that I could do something to take the hurt away, but I know that this is a hurt that cannot be taken away, but must be walked through. I am so sad for you and for the family and Ryan's friends, that he was taken. I doubt that with our earthly understanding we will ever have an answer. All we can do is trust in the One that knows and trudge ahead, one step at a time. I love you and I pray that the God, that hears the prayers of all who know you, wraps his arms of comfort and healing around you constantly.
ReplyDeleteGlenda,
ReplyDeleteI am so so so sorry that you are enduring this awful pain. I understand he is an exceptional kid. That doesn't surprise me. I am just so sorry to you. Love, Shelly