Ryan's Senior Year....

     The 2011-2012 school year was a year I will never forget.  What would have been Ryan's senior year, a time of joy and celebration, in fact was a time of great sorrow.  As much happiness as I felt for all of his friends, I felt an even heavier sadness... I was bluntly faced with all that Ryan was missing.  With every senior picture, excitement about the senior trip,  pictures of seniors dressed up for prom, dreams of  their futures, and preparing for their High School Graduation...my heart would drop so deep inside that I felt I would never be able to reach it again.  
     My Ryan did not get to take senior pictures, he did not get to go to his senior prom, he didn't experience the great adventures of a senior trip, his dreams of college and life after high school were taken away.  He was weeks away from getting his driver's license...all requirements done, just  waiting out the time he needed to.  He would never graduate from High School.  His life was suddenly cut short, and we were left with the pain of all the things he never did, nor would ever have the chance to do.
     A couple of weeks before the graduation, the principal at Middletown High School, Mr. Roderick, called me in.  He informed me that he had ordered a Diploma for Ryan.  I immediately began to cry...somehow my baby would graduate!  I was overwhelmed with the compassion this man had... not only for our family, but for all the graduating seniors.  We all needed closure with this graduation.  Mr. Roderick knew this, and did what he could do to help all involved.  He informed me they would have a chair which would be empty in Ryan's honor.  He asked if Kaitie would accept the diploma for Ryan.  Again, I cried.  Kaitie sat in the chair for Ryan as the class walked in...none of them knew she would be there.  Then the diploma, which his classmates knew nothing about,  was presented to Kaitie.  There were cheers, whistles, and so many tears.  She accepted with such strength, courage, and grace. I was so very proud of her, and I knew Ryan was too.  After she accepted the diploma, she sat down with me, leaving Ryan's chair empty.  It was then she began to cry.  As I looked through my tears to Kaitie, and to Ryan's classmates, I saw the gift of closure Mr. Roderick gave to them all.  Our Ryan was graduating with his class.
     This journey has been so very painful, and I'm afraid it is not getting easier.  One thing I have learned as I face each day, is that there are people along the way who reach out and somehow know exactly what to say or do.  Whether it's to let you know they don't know what to say, but are there for you...or to share a story or memory of Ryan...or to acknowledge him on his birthday, holidays, or any gathering of family or friends...or to respectfully honor your son at graduation.  Each word or action is to let you know they  have NOT forgotten your child.  That he mattered in this life...and he still does.  I can not thank those people enough.  I will never forget what Mr. Roderick did for all of us at the graduation of 2012.  He honored my son, and in doing that, he let me know that Ryan did matter and is NOT forgotten.  At the end of each day, that is all that really helps...all I really want...all I really need.